Best Friend's Brother #4 (Best Friend's Brother Romance Series - Book #4)

  Best Friend’s Brother #4

  BOOK 4

  By Alycia Taylor

  Copyright 2015. All rights reserved.

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  CHAPTER ONE

  IAN

  I was standing there, looking at Kristie and Alexa’s faces. Kristie looked like she was having fun. She probably was. She lived for this drama shit. Alexa was definitely not having fun.

  “Kristie, you need to go.”

  “You don’t even know what I came by for.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I want you to go. You’re not welcome here and you need to stay away from me.”

  Kristie looked over at Alexa who was shooting fire out of her green eyes at the other woman. Kristie smirked. “Oh, I get it,” she said in a conspiratorial tone. “Your new little fling wasn’t supposed to know about us.”

  “Jesus, Kristie! There’s nothing to know. Now get the hell out before I get really pissed off!”

  She was going to make Alexa think we did something. Shit! I should have told Alexa I had dinner with her. This was going to be something else that made it look like I had something to hide.

  “I’ll go,” she said, “but you’ll be calling me and begging me to take you back. Like you did the other night.”

  “It’s not going to happen, Kristie. You and I are through. Get out!”

  With a smile and a wink in Alexa’s direction she said, “That’s not what he said last night.”

  “Out!” I said again. She went out the door and Alexa and I both stood there just looking after her for a few seconds. Finally, Alexa turned to me and said,

  “What did she mean by that last comment? Did you see her last night? Did you call her and tell her you wanted her back?”

  “Yes, I saw her, but never said I wanted her back. It’s not what you think, and it’s not what she made it sound like. Can we sit?”

  Alexa looked like she was going to bolt. She wasn’t even really dressed, but she was eyeing the door. All I could think was that she was going to take off and never want to see me again. I screwed up…again.

  “I don’t want to sit,” she said. “I want to know why you keep saying there is nothing between you two yet the night we’re not together, you’re with her…”

  “It wasn’t like that, I swear. You were angry with me and I tried going to my parents’ because I really needed someone to talk to. They’re still so broken that it didn’t help. It only made me feel worse. Between the stuff that is constantly going on in my head about Emma and the fact that I was so torn up over what happened between us…I just needed someone to talk to Alexa. I was going crazy. She texted me and I did something that I hadn’t done in a very long time…I texted her back. I should have known it would turn out this way. I am guilty of being an idiot, but that’s all, I swear. We went out to dinner and the whole time I listened to her go on about stupid, superficial things, all I could think about was how much I wanted to be with you. I realized why I broke up with her and I can’t even imagine what I was doing with her in the first place. You’re the only one I feel comfortable talking to about Emma and beyond that, I love spending time with you. We have so much fun together…being with you is the only time I really feel whole again. I don’t want Kristie…I’m sorry….I never should have gone out with her….But please believe me, Alexa, nothing happened.”

  “I believe you,” she said at last.

  I was shocked. That wasn’t at all what I expected. Surely it wasn’t going to be this easy…..

  “But…”

  Okay, here we go, I knew there was going to be a but…

  “I’m not sure why I believe you; you probably wouldn’t have even told me you saw her if I hadn’t been here when she showed up. Omission is the same as lying, Ian. I thought we had cleared that up before…”

  “I know, and we did. I’m sorry. I was going to tell you about Kristie but the timing just hadn’t been right. Alexa please let me…”

  I reached out for her and she took a step back. I knew I was screwed. She was going to leave and I already felt like I couldn’t breathe. Damn it! I hated feeling this way. I hated it, and I loved it. It didn’t make any fucking sense. I’ve never really cared if a girl walked out before. It’s always been pretty easy to either get another one, or just be alone. Before Emma died, I was never afraid of being alone. Now, the thought of Alexa leaving and not coming back terrified me. I’d like to blame it all on grief, but the fact was that I simply wanted her.

  “I just need some time, Ian.”

  She was gathering up her stuff as she talked.

  “I need to wrap my head around all of this. So far, in the short time we’ve been seeing each other, things seem to be more “off” than they are “on”. I’m not sure I can do this roller-coaster thing….”

  “It won’t be roller-coaster. I won’t see her again, ever. I can promise you that…”

  “Ian, I’m not saying we’re over. I’m not mad. I just need to spend some time getting my thoughts together and figure out if…whatever this is between us is healthy for me. I’ll call you.” She went into the bedroom and finished getting dressed. I stood rooted to the spot I was in, wondering how I could possible keep screwing this up. When she came back, she looked at me sadly and said again, “I’ll call you, okay?”

  I think it was an unspoken, “Don’t call me.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m really not mad. This has just all happened so fast. Maybe we both need to put more thought into it. Do me a favor and spend your own time thinking about all of this too. We’ve been through a lot. At first it was okay that we were together because of Emma. We both desperately needed that. But now, I think we need to look at whether or not there are other reasons to be together, and if this is worth pursuing.” I just stood there looking at her like an idiot. I knew that this was worth pursuing. I didn’t have to think about it. I wasn’t sure why I felt differently about her than I ever had any other woman or girl…but I did. I watched her go without telling her that. I should have just told her…what did I really have to lose when she was already walking out the door? I dropped down onto the couch and wondered when my life would ever stop being one dramatic scene after the other.

  I finally pulled my ass up off the couch and got into the shower. The more I thought about Kristie’s perfect timing, the more pissed off I got. Yes, I should have told Alexa that I went out to dinner with her, but since that was all there was to it, I really hadn’t thought it was a big deal. Kristie showing up made it a big deal and I may have just lost Alexa because of it. How many things was she going to have to find out…things that I should have told her myself…before she gave up on me?

  I got dressed for the gym and threw my things in my bag. I needed to go work out or this anger was going to overwhelm me. I can’t get through this shit without Alexa. If it wasn’t for her…I’d probably be curled up in a corner somewhere…Shit! What the hell am I going to do now?

  I grabbed my bag and my keys and headed out. By the time I got to the car I realized that I couldn’t just let this go. I had to try and do something to convince her
I was worth taking a risk on. Things have just been so screwed up since Emma died…but they would get better, as long as we worked through it together. I understand why she would need some time. I planned on giving that to her. But, then somehow, I’m going to make things right. Somehow, I’m going to fix this. I’d give her a day…or two, and then I would go talk to her and tell her how I feel.

  CHAPTER TWO

  ALEXA

  I drove home from Ian’s with my head spinning. I was growing so tired of being pulled in so many different directions. My best friend is dead. I met a guy who I really, really like…and I just can’t seem to make it work with him. Ian’s not a bad guy. He’s just the opposite as a matter of fact. He’s kind of an enigma. He spends a lot of time alone, yet he’s perfectly comfortable around people. He rebelled a lot when he was a kid…yet he has a great relationship with his parents. He’s an animal in the octagon. Yet he’s sweet and gentle in bed. He says he wants nothing to do with his ex-girlfriend and yet she keeps popping up in our lives. Since I’d started seeing him he’s provoked so many different emotions inside of me, more than anyone else ever had. I’m sure it has a lot to do with the way we came together, already in emotional turmoil. We were both dealing with our grief and it just seemed so much easier to deal with it together instead…maybe that’s where we went wrong. Maybe we should have done that separately before we got together and then dating would be going more smoothly. Maybe there are too many emotions tangled up and maybe it was going to be impossible to untangle them and decide where grief began and our feelings for each other started. Or maybe there are no real feelings for each other. Maybe it’s our minds’ ways of trying to compensate for the alternative…the emotional hell of remembering that Emma was dead every minute of the day.

  By the time I got out of the car and headed into the house I was beginning to wonder if maybe it would be easier to straighten my head out if I just concentrated on me for a while. Maybe I should go out and do something fun that had nothing to do with Ian or anyone else. Maybe I should have stayed at school.

  I walked in the front door and Dad said, “Is that you, Alexa?” I almost laughed. I’m not sure who else he thought it might be, and it reinforced that maybe I should have gone back to school. Since I’d been home it was almost like mine and Dad’s relationship had reverted back to what it was when I was a teenager.

  “Yeah Dad, it’s me.”

  “Come on in the kitchen, I was just making a sandwich. Do you want one?”

  I went into the kitchen. He had out almost every condiment we owned as well as all of the lunchmeat, a head of lettuce, tomato, onion and avocado. I smiled, “What kind of sandwich are you making?”

  “It’s my version of the club…minus the bacon, unfortunately. I forgot to buy some when I went grocery shopping. But that’s okay. I have several different kinds of meat here.”

  I wish I could care about the meat on a club sandwich. If I did, that would mean that things were back to normal. I’m not even sure what that was anymore. I sat down at the table and he asked me where I’d been.

  “Hanging out with Ian,” I said. He made a face, but he didn’t say anything. I guess it was different from when I was in high school. Back then, he never would have missed an opportunity to tell me what was wrong with the guy I was dating. I think it was what made me be more judgmental than I should be. I was always looking for something to be wrong. In spite of that, I wondered if I should talk to him and see what his take was on everything that had been going on. I thought maybe I already knew what he was going to say. He was going to tell me that I should stay away from Ian. He would give me a list of reasons why and tell me all of the things that were wrong with him and then he would say, “It’s not that I don’t like him, it’s just that he’s not what I want for you.”

  “Dad, I really like Ian.” I told him. I was goading him, sort of. I wanted his advice and yet I didn’t. What I really wanted was for him to say, “Oh, Ian! He’s a great guy!” I knew that was never going to happen, but it sure would make it easier for me to keep seeing him, which was what I think I really wanted.

  I watched his face and I could see the subtle change in it again. To his credit, he still didn’t say anything negative. He just didn’t say anything at all. I sat there for a while and watched him slathering things on the bread for his sandwich and I considered telling him how much I liked Ian.

  God, I missed Emma. I never had other friends I could really talk to. My other friends were about going out and having fun. I was also a little bit worried that they would judge me over dating Emma’s brother. Emma wouldn’t have ever judged me. She might verbally kick my ass if she thought I was involved in something that would hurt me, but she would never judge. I looked back up at my Dad and realized he was the only person left in my life that I could really say that about now. He might judge my boyfriends like crazy, but not me.

  “Dad?”

  “Yeah, honey?”

  “Have you ever had really strong feelings for someone and it seemed like no matter how hard you tried to make it work with them, things just seemed to keep getting in the way?”

  He looked at me and I could see in his eyes that he was thinking about my mom. I felt bad for bringing it up. He really loved her. So much that he was still single after all this time. She had really done a number on him…on both of us. I was about to tell him I was sorry for bringing it up when he wiped his hands and came over and sat with me at the table.

  “Are we talking about Ian?” he asked. He knew we were, but he looked like he wanted me to tell him we weren’t.

  “Yeah. You know that we’ve spent time together. The truth is that we’ve spent a lot of time together. It started out with us helping each other to get past Emma’s death…but it turned into more. I have so much fun when I’m with him. I feel comfortable and safe…I really care about him but my feelings for him are so jumbled together with my feelings over Emma’s death that I’m just not sure how to handle it all.”

  “Maybe what you need is some time to sort it all out without anyone putting any kind of pressure on you.” I could see on his face that by “anyone” he meant “Ian”.

  “Ian’s not putting pressure on me. He’s been completely willing to let me take this as fast or as slow as I want to. It’s just that every little thing that happens between us seems so much more intense than it probably should in such a new relationship. I find myself questioning everything and him worrying about how I’ll react to things to the point of not telling me about them. Do you think that’s because of Emma? Are we both just hyper-sensitive because of what we went through?”

  “Yeah, I think that’s probably got a lot to do with it. I also think it could be a good excuse for hiding things, so I’m glad to hear you’re not standing for that.”

  “He’s not really hiding things.” I was compelled to defend him and the look on my dad’s face told me that worried him more than anything.

  “I’m just saying that I think it’s all a good argument for why you should take some time for yourself. Since Emma died, you’ve spent a lot of time worrying about Ian’s feelings and maybe not enough worrying about your own.”

  “So what should I do? I mean, I’ve tried the lying in bed and moping…that didn’t work.”

  He smiled sadly and said, “No, I don’t want you to go back there. I’m not sure I could take that…I was so worried about you. I was thinking about you going out and doing something fun…but something that’s just for you. Forget about all of this just for a day. Go to a spa or go shopping or for a walk in the park. Whatever sounds fun to you. Then, while you’re doing it, don’t think about anything else. Just concentrate on you. After your head is cleared, give this some more thought.”

  “I don’t think I could do that, just turn it all off,” I said.

  “You’ll never know if you don’t try. Look at it this way, the way you’re doing it is not working so why not try something different. What could it hurt?”

  He had a po
int. If I took a day for myself and tried not to think about everything and it didn’t work then I haven’t lost anything…I’ve just gained a day for myself.

  “Maybe you’re right, Dad,” I told him.

  “I’m always right,” he said with a smile, “That’s why I get to call myself “Dad.”

  “So true, sometimes I forget,” I told him with a grin. He could be exasperating sometimes, but there were reasons behind why he was so overprotective when it came to relationships and me. I always knew he loved me.

  “Maybe I’ll go to the mall tomorrow. I could use some new summer clothes anyway.” He got up and kissed the top of my head. When he got back over to the counter he said,

  “So do you want a sandwich or not?” He was spreading pickle relish on it now.

  “Um…not,” I said with a smile.

  CHAPTER THREE

  ALEXA

  Waking up is no longer a pleasure and sometimes I wondered if it ever would be again. There is one, grand fleeting moment when I’m whole and everything is okay. Then the memories of the past month begin to seep in…always beginning with the fact that Emma is dead. My lids don’t casually flutter open any longer. They snap open and look around the room, searching for…something. My brain becomes almost immediately overwhelmed again as if it were all new, fresh and raw. I want to linger in the blissful ignorance of waking up, but since I know I won’t be able to do that, at night I’ve begun to fight sleep like a toddler…I was so tired, all the time.

  After I reminded myself, and not kindly, that my best friend was dead, I thought about Ian. I missed him already. I wanted to see him. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to touch him. I knew that was a bad idea until I had somethings figured out, so then I was really tempted to just pull the covers over my head and stay where I was. Unfortunately I’d tried that already and knew that wasn’t the solution either. My brain just wouldn’t shut down. I forced myself up and got into the shower.